Day 187

It's pretty hard to tell, but I'm actually feeling really happy in these pictures. I'd like to see how good YOU look after sticking your head up your own ass, and then pulling it out only 3 months later.

Anyway...... Hi! It's me, Justine, a recent transplant to the single world. Maybe some of you are confused because technically, officially, and apparently, this has been my world since March. That's 3 whole months, and that's not recent. But it is difficult to know what world you belong to (or anything else for that matter) while having your head up your own ass. Eg: A week and a half ago I still wanted to "go home and stick my head in Andrew's armpit!!!!" (Whaaatttt the hell??!)

If your mommy birthed you after 1979 and a boy/man repeatedly hurts you- be it consciously or unconsciously- don't be afraid to walk away. (Step on his toes and/or slam the door behind you, if it'll make you feel better.) Get it in your system that love comes again, and that the only people you need in your life are the people who prove they need you in theirs. If you were birthed before 1979, this game plan does not apply to you. Ignore everything. Start using night cream, if you don't already? I dunno....

Anyway, delete the dude from your life. Don't even think about being "just friends" if you have leftover feelings for him. (Are you retarded?) Keep his number and say "Hi!" when you see him on the streets though, because chances are you'll need a balloon sculptor at Connor's/Ally's 4th Birthday party 15 years from now. These kind of things are very hard to predict. Will sculptured balloons still be a hit with 4 year olds then? (Better safe than sorry.)

Before you begin dumpster diving for companionship again, learn from your mistakes:

1. Avoid boys who wear skinny black jeans. (Sorry, Nigel. I know you just got yourself a new pair over the weekend.) If despite the masses in skinny black jeans, they still think they are unique, they are delusional. The self- delusion does not bode well, and can even be dangerous!
2. Also, avoid boys who don't think you're funny. They probably beat up puppies because they can't be human.
3. Lastly, avoid boys who won't help you carry heavy things or don't know how to hold doors open for you. They have no purpose, and will be hated on by the gentlemen in your family.

All right, good luck. (Wish me luck too!) I love you. XO

Ps- Wanna hang out soon, Andrew? I promise not to hit on you and then cry and say I never want to speak to you again when you tell me you just want to be friends and won't be my boyfriend.

Pps- Chill out, babies. I'm just fucking around. Ahahaha

Ppps- How much Friendly Fires is too much Friendly Fires? Be honest with me.