Day 148

In front of Reinard's camera after doing multiple cartwheels in Kim's attic:




Oh God, I'm sprawled out on the floor of my bedroom and my (defiant) inner voice won't shut up. All I crave is silence and some direction, but instead I nag myself at full volume, against my own wishes. Failure! Rejection! Loss! Sex! Confucianism! Body! Foes! Self- reproach! Boys! Forlornness! Girls! Vices! Calories! Violence! Perfection! Validation! Posse! Obsessions! Do- overs! Zits! Love! Unrequited love! Money! ............

I'm so sick of myself and I'm feeling a bit freakish right now. Some of you (mainly Nigel, Jon, and the people who are not friends of Justine/can't do multiple cartwheels) are going to leave me comments about how I look like a complete doofus. I may decide to tone down my look a notch. Or maybe I'll amp it up. No idea. According to the World Fact Book, I'm supposed to leave this world in 2069. Brutal. I wonder if by then I'd have accomplished everything that I'd set out to accomplish.

This is either a vitamin deficiency or severe depression. Or a combination of both.

As a (frail) attempt to prepare myself for my China Studies exam happening tomorrow, I spent the entire week using chopsticks instead of a fork at dinners. I've drawn the conclusion that on average, 35% of food falls into other places that are not the mouth and dinners are extended by at least 20 minutes, explaining the weekend we spent a grand total of 16 finger lickin' good minutes at KFC and something like 3 hours at Din Tai Fung. (Was that last sentence too long?)

Anyway, I quoted Batman in my General Paper essay this morning. I then had a private moment of rage in my seat while the invigilator collected the exam scripts, and made a promise to myself to never again quote any of the Justice League members in my future essays. Fortunately, I was quickly comforted upon hearing that Charlotte quoted Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. ("Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.") We'll most likely stop surfing youtube.com in the library and start attending lectures next term.

I also just want to mention for fun that a few weeks ago I embedded a code on this space that tracks my visitors. So in a way, I have been stalking you. The internet has gotten so wicked within the last decade! Eg: When I was 6 years old, we had to wait 40 minutes for our computer to start up. When I was 13 years old, we stopped turning our computer off altogether.

Yuh ok, have a nice day!

Day 147

Mom is now 56 years old:

Day 146

I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you- ooh- ooh- ooh

Day 145

Don't cha wish I cut your hair (instead of Sarah), Val?

Day 141

Coming home to family after long hours at work/school:





Hi. How are things?

I am pleased to announce that I'm officially done clocking in my hours for the supervised after- school Geography study program at college. (Whoo- hooo!) Nut tried to kill my Project Work group mate with her POWERBLADE during our floorball match the other day at Physical Ed. lesson. (Blood and broken spectacles. Like I always say, "Hit ball, not face.") Anyway, I have exams to sit for next week. In an effort to control how I consume my time these past few days, my appetite for the internet and cable television has dwindled to anorexic level.

I tried to explain my heart to a friend over the phone the other night, but couldn't. So I hung up and came up with a list of (2 valid) reasons why easy things are not worth pursuing, and eventually fell asleep. Now, I want to write something about Love because it's something that's been on my mind lately. I've said before to some people that it means 'everything', and also to a few others 'nothing'. The reality is that 'everything' is really Clothes. Eg: When you breakup with your boyfriend/girlfriend, as I'm sure many of you have had the painful experience of doing, you still have your clothes to hold on to.

I'm kidding.

1. Don't be afraid to leave. Love comes again. (I think.) (Let's hope!)
2. Wear Mascara! Wtf is wrong with you? It'll only make your life better. Trust me.
3. If a boy says to you "You'll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do", don't believe him! It is in itself, another reason why you should not be with him. This world is huge and you are fetching. (I hope.) We haven't met, but I've heard only good things!
4. If a girl says to you "You'll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do", it is probably the truth.
5. Keep up with your work or school assignments.

The above is what I've come up with so far for "Justine's guide to life". Does this mean you should follow it? Yes, unless you like being the worst person in the world. (Besides Josef Fritzl.)

I've just realised how lonely it sometimes can get, going through life with our own heartaches. I write all this hoping I will find some sort of redemption, and also because I took a detour to the doctor's and never made it to school this morning/have no deadlines to meet and some free time on my hands tonight.

Cross your fingers/light a candle. Love you all, have a good weekend.

Day 138

Sexgod_1989@hotmail.com.cn deported back to China early last week, Charlotte trying to make a bold fashion statement by tying a dead spotted raccoon baby around her neck, Justine has had "an almost sleepless weekend of high drama":


Visiting the zoo/classroom C5-005. Bird eventually escapes through holes in the box. Boys get waxed and Quinten's bondage after school:


Taking notes/drawing Zack with and without his shirt on during Math lectures. The graph of y= wtfisgoingon? (To find the equation of vertical asymptotes, simply take the rough estimate of the radius of your clenched fist in inches and mark positive and negative values on x- axis):


Sharing a can of beer and the boys studying on the 5th floor:

Charlotte looking good without smudged eyeliner, Natasha aka Songyigehoney, Justine aka Maiyigehoney wearing lipstick and nice earrings for the first time this year:



Charlotte looking ugly with smudged eyeliner. ("You're so ugly when you cry. Puh- lease! Just cut it out!") But you can't tell, because she is not ugly to begin with: